Christmas 2013

Well, our first Christmas with out Mom and Alex.  As a family, we chose to play down the holiday this year. No one was in the mood. No tree, no hoopla. However, I did get a burst of enthusiasm and holiday spirit on Christmas eve as I began baking some Christmas goodies.  I had dinner at my house, which is not the typical. In the past, the boys and I would get up, usually their dad came over, and open gifts.  This year, I got up, Morgan eventually got up, we opened our little gifts to each other.  I've always taken a photo of the boys and I on Christmas morning. One tradition I didn't let slide.
My family started arriving around one and we opened presents, skyped with our out of town family and ate a fantastic (although very late) beef dinner with green goddess wedge salad, green beans, cranberries and fluffy mashed potatoes. Pumpkin pie, eggnog cake, red velvet cupcakes for dessert. Yum.  Watched It's a Wonderful Life and all went home to bed.
Here's to a wonderful 2014 for all.

Life Lessons

Having two of my favorite people become terminally ill around the same time is more difficult than you could possibly imagine.  Even, when all is said and done--both have passed, I can't imagine it.  It is that horrific. But, that is life and the only thing you can do is try to let it change you for the better.  Months and months of treatment, doctor's appointments, new treatments, traveling to far away places for experimental treatment, all while attempting to work full time has taught me a lot about patience.  Basically we all lived the serenity prayer for a couple of years.  Our lives slowed down.  Superficiality flew out the window.  Dealing with life and death makes mundane conversations almost antagonistic. My closest friends would inadvertently say or do things that would create more anxiety for me or more pain.  They didn't know, how could they.  They aren't me.  This is where patience comes in.  Again, I can choose to react with anger, resentment or pain, or I can be patient and know that this too will pass. Because I was home so much with Alex, I took up quilting. It's difficult to just sit and be at the ready for somebody without having something you can quickly put down and then pick up later when you're available.  Quilting became my activity.  I've sewn since I was very young and picking it up again gave me renewed interest in how wonderful it is to have a creative outlet.  I also was able to dream about what to make by surfing the net as I waited for my next "duty" or "request".  I was able to spend a lot of quality time with Alex (less with my mom, but still got that in) and continue to do something I enjoyed.  So, life goes on and one of the psuedo stepsons got married in July, just about the time I was bringing Alex home from a 2 month stay in the hospital.  I missed the wedding but have been working on their wedding quilt since before the wedding.  Finally finished it this morning.
Terminal illness, losing a son and my mom within two weeks of each other forced me to develop patience.  Quilting continues to reinforce it. :)

Thanksgiving 2013

Tomorrow will be the first Thanksgiving in my life without my mom. It will also be the first in 29yrs without my oldest son Alex.  Mom's funeral is Saturday and my nephew is  coming to town for that, arriving at 6:30pm.  We'll be having our dinner when they get to my dad's house.  My sister and I will be doing all the cooking at my dad's to make it easier on everybody.  During the day, we'll have smoked turkey sandwiches (thanks to Bill) while we get the dinner bird ready for a late meal. So much has happened in our lives this past year and though most of it was heartbreaking, stressful and exhausting, the fact that we've been so blessed to this point is not lost on our family. Unfortunately, loss is part of life. Never the less, we are very thankful to be able to be together this holiday.

Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul.

Margaret Wakeley

Another loss...

Alex's tribute was attended by 200 people.  All there to support his family. We all felt very blessed that Alex was so well loved.  The only thing wrong with the night was that Alex wasn't able to be there to hear all the lovely words spoken about him.
As life will do, my family was dealt another punch.  My mom passed away the day before the tribute.  She had promised me unless she was on her deathbed she'd be there.  Well, you see how that worked out.
Both she and Alex are together wherever they are and I that is a comfort.  Best mom in the world, 58 years running....

                                                    

.

Martha Gumm

                               1931-2013                            

Sorting through photos..

Selecting photos for the tribute to Alex.  So many wonderful times we all had together.  This was last Christmas. 2012. Alex was still getting radiation and chemotherapy.  What a guy.  Still able to smile.

Happy Holidays!

 I found this post as a draft when I started blogging again.  Thought I'd post it anyway, it's from 2011

It's been a very strange year for the Buck family. Grandparents~the pillars, are starting to show their age. The economy has begun to personally affect many of us. My company is laying off 400 full time employees, but will wait until February to give us the names. Just a little something to think about over the holidays.

But having said that, I realize how fortunate my family and I really are. Many of my friends lost their parents years ago-I still can enjoy mine. Many of my friends lost satisfying, comfortable jobs years ago-as of now, I still have mine. I can still sit on my couch and blog. I am warm and well fed. Many are not.

Counting my blessings at Christmas and wishing everyone a better 2012!

Alex Buck 1984-2013

This past year has been wonderful and terrible at the same time. About 15 mos ago, we learned that Alex was terminally ill with a rare and aggressive form of cancer. Despite his fighting with everything he had, Wednesday marked the end of his fight.  It was unexpected, quick and painless. Very grateful for that.  The wonder of the last year was getting to spend almost every day with my grown son, getting to know him as an adult and seeing what he was really made of.  Courage, strength, humor, compassion, wit and as I already knew, genius.  When I first heard the news last summer my grief was untenable, but over the last year, learning to make every minute with him count was priceless.  It was quite a roller coaster ride and he handled it with grace and gratefulness (mostly).  I am so proud of him, my son and will miss him terribly. 

New Addition

Well, despite what's going on in my life, the world continues to turn.  Folks getting married and families having babies.  Our newest addition is Logan Fox Green.  Born to Matthew and Marisa Green and brother to Noah Wolf Green.
Logan's a tad bit small, but mother and baby are doing fine.  Noah is tickled pink.

How Time Flies!

Last night, while sitting in a movie theater, I started coughing. I had felt fine all day One day later, I'm coughing, sniffling and in general not feeling that great. Drinking Emergence C and taking echinnacea. I hope by morning I feel better. I am thankful that I rarely get sick. It's so rare in fact, that when it happens, I pretty much am immobilized. Easter is this weekend and my sister is hosting the family. I WILL be feeling great by then.

Another Success

Thursday night the Alexander Gallery at Clackamas Community College held an artist's reception for Morgan's latest works. The exhibit is titled "Childhood Telemania" and is a statement about children and television. There was quite a turnout. Of course, the free food made sure the college kids came around to look. Earlier in the day, Morgan addressed one of the painting classes at the college and gave them a guided tour of the exhibit.
No matter how old they get, I'm still a proud mom.

Winning!!

See that little gipper in the sailor cap? He just published his first book! I couldn't be more proud, I sure hope he is.
Get it while they're hot, cuz they are flying off the shelf! The book can be purchased at Reading Frenzy, Amazon or Buyolympia.

The book is Heart Beats by Alex Buck

Summer!

Well, here it is July 29th. Another summer day of rain, temp in the high 60's and no real summer in sight. My vacation was plagued by torrential rain came down three days in a row. Where on the upper west coast can you always count on sweaty, dry, blazing sun? Redding California! Except when I choose the area for a vacation I've needed for 8 mos.
We ended up at Mt.Shasta City. Now there's a cute little town. Weather was perfect and we even got some hiking in.
I try to have fun no matter where I go. we had one small casualty during this vacation....we threw our tent in the garbage. When do you get too old to camp in the rain?

Optimism

I don't always address the Postitive Thought aspects of my blog, but today seems like a good time to reinforce the power of positive thinking. The world is very chaotic right now. Bad things are happening to good people. How do we get through the day?
The Optimist's Creed is a 100 year old mantra, written by one of the first New Age thinkers. Believing the best in everybody and himself, he wrote these words as a way to help people remember the good, despite the bad.



Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
~Christan D. Larson

The world is on our side.

Post Vacation Reality Check

After a carefree, relaxing vacation in my favorite Casa in Sayulita, Nayurit, unfortunately, I'm returning to reality. Gained poundage, work piled up at work, no groceries in the house and dirty laundry. Yippee!! One week out---caught up on laundry and work stuff, groceries in the house and day 6 of Atkins induction. Biggest thrill--day 6 of Atkins induction. It's always hard, but somehow, having eaten and/or drunken, whatever I wanted to on my vacation, I haven't felt the sense of deprivation I have in the past. Let the weight loss begin.

Mexico!

Countdown to the vacation. We will be going back to our favorite haunt later this month. Not only do I need a break, a little sun would be nice since I just looked out the window and it's snowing. Sayulita is a little fishing village located about an hour north of Puerto Vallarta. We will land in PV and take a cab to Casa Sorpresa, two blocks from the beach. Most likely, after unpacking, we will mix our first pitcher of Margaritas and let the vacation begin. Fishing for dorado, of course. This will provide us with many meals during our stay. Fortunately for me, I will be bringing two chefs to cook for me during the week. I will be the maid. Shorts, t-shirts and swimming suits will be the daily fashion statement. Coincidentally, our local foodie magazine posted an article on some of our favorite eating places in Sayulita. I can hardly wait.
Adios!

One of my new favorite hors d oeuvres!

I am not 100% in to cooking like a lot of my peers. However, when I am asked to make something, I do like to make something worthwhile.
This recipe was shown to me by my cousin who is a professional chef. It is right up my alley because it is so simple, easy and tasty. You can also experiment with other cheeses to stuff the peppers with.
Start out with some marinated peppadew piquant peppers. You can purchase these at any of the higher end antipasto bars in the local supermarket. They can also be found in jars, but the supermarket ones are a little better. Use goat cheese to stuff the peppadew. That's all there is to it! You will be so surprised how good these are and how well they go over at a party. I've also stuffed them with olives, also very good.
Bon Appetit!!

5 More Shopping Days!

Well, the shopping season is 100% in full glory. I did the majority of my shopping online, only buying if I got some special deal or markdown. I'm also using Ebates to maximize my savings. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day shopping and am virtually done with it. As with a lot of families, this year is a slimmer, sleeker and smaller consumer hotflash. I much really prefer, now that most of us our in a position to take care of our own "needs". I for one am also in a place where I have very few needs and/or wishes. In fact, I was spending the morning anticipating January so I can start getting rid of tons of accumulated purchases and get the basement cleaned out. The basement is not used much, so screams to be filled up with "stuff" I don't use very often or just don't want anymore. I feel like I'm finally getting rid of my need to hang on to something just because I can.
Christmas Day will be fun. Since our out of town family will be here this year, no need to Skype with them, although, what a bonus for families separated by miles.

Thankful!

Thankful that Bristol Palin did not win Dancing with the Stars. Not that I really care.............

Iconic

 

Noah at 5 mos