Today is Alex's 31st birthday.
He's missed his last two birthdays with us. Last year as a family, Rod, Morgan and I isolated ourselves, spread ashes and toasted with Jack Daniels. One year has come and gone. I would have liked to have celebrated in some way, but last night I was up for 22 hours with my 85 year old dad, in the emergency room. They finally admitted him at 3 am and I went home to bed. He has a very severe case of pneumonia and will be in the hospital for a couple of days.He is already so much better and should have a complete recovery. After a couple of hours of sleep, I got up to get ready to back to the hospital. My thoughts were on Alex, and it being his birthday. Such mixed emotions.
Blessed to have been able to call such an awesome guy my son, Blessed that my dad will be spending more time on this planet with us. Blessed that I have such understanding co-workers who allow me to put my family first, and pick up the slack for me. Even blessed that my crazy cat came into the shower with me and stayed till I was done.
Missing Alex, remembering 31 years ago, the excitement over his pending birth and how our lives would change when we became parents. I will never forget how he felt the first time I held him, literally grabbing him from the doctor, hearing his crying as he took his first breath. I will also never forget how he felt as I held him just after he took his last breath. Both memories will be cherished forever, one so joyful it's beyond comprehension, the other such heartache it is beyond comprehension.
One of my favorite sayings is "Life is slippery. Here, hold my hand." Relationships are what make our lives joyful, loving, happy and full. Invariably, sadness is a part of those relationships.