Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas 2013

Well, our first Christmas with out Mom and Alex.  As a family, we chose to play down the holiday this year. No one was in the mood. No tree, no hoopla. However, I did get a burst of enthusiasm and holiday spirit on Christmas eve as I began baking some Christmas goodies.  I had dinner at my house, which is not the typical. In the past, the boys and I would get up, usually their dad came over, and open gifts.  This year, I got up, Morgan eventually got up, we opened our little gifts to each other.  I've always taken a photo of the boys and I on Christmas morning. One tradition I didn't let slide.
My family started arriving around one and we opened presents, skyped with our out of town family and ate a fantastic (although very late) beef dinner with green goddess wedge salad, green beans, cranberries and fluffy mashed potatoes. Pumpkin pie, eggnog cake, red velvet cupcakes for dessert. Yum.  Watched It's a Wonderful Life and all went home to bed.
Here's to a wonderful 2014 for all.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Life Lessons

Having two of my favorite people become terminally ill around the same time is more difficult than you could possibly imagine.  Even, when all is said and done--both have passed, I can't imagine it.  It is that horrific. But, that is life and the only thing you can do is try to let it change you for the better.  Months and months of treatment, doctor's appointments, new treatments, traveling to far away places for experimental treatment, all while attempting to work full time has taught me a lot about patience.  Basically we all lived the serenity prayer for a couple of years.  Our lives slowed down.  Superficiality flew out the window.  Dealing with life and death makes mundane conversations almost antagonistic. My closest friends would inadvertently say or do things that would create more anxiety for me or more pain.  They didn't know, how could they.  They aren't me.  This is where patience comes in.  Again, I can choose to react with anger, resentment or pain, or I can be patient and know that this too will pass. Because I was home so much with Alex, I took up quilting. It's difficult to just sit and be at the ready for somebody without having something you can quickly put down and then pick up later when you're available.  Quilting became my activity.  I've sewn since I was very young and picking it up again gave me renewed interest in how wonderful it is to have a creative outlet.  I also was able to dream about what to make by surfing the net as I waited for my next "duty" or "request".  I was able to spend a lot of quality time with Alex (less with my mom, but still got that in) and continue to do something I enjoyed.  So, life goes on and one of the psuedo stepsons got married in July, just about the time I was bringing Alex home from a 2 month stay in the hospital.  I missed the wedding but have been working on their wedding quilt since before the wedding.  Finally finished it this morning.
Terminal illness, losing a son and my mom within two weeks of each other forced me to develop patience.  Quilting continues to reinforce it. :)

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013

Tomorrow will be the first Thanksgiving in my life without my mom. It will also be the first in 29yrs without my oldest son Alex.  Mom's funeral is Saturday and my nephew is  coming to town for that, arriving at 6:30pm.  We'll be having our dinner when they get to my dad's house.  My sister and I will be doing all the cooking at my dad's to make it easier on everybody.  During the day, we'll have smoked turkey sandwiches (thanks to Bill) while we get the dinner bird ready for a late meal. So much has happened in our lives this past year and though most of it was heartbreaking, stressful and exhausting, the fact that we've been so blessed to this point is not lost on our family. Unfortunately, loss is part of life. Never the less, we are very thankful to be able to be together this holiday.

Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul.
Margaret Wakeley

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Another loss...

Alex's tribute was attended by 200 people.  All there to support his family. We all felt very blessed that Alex was so well loved.  The only thing wrong with the night was that Alex wasn't able to be there to hear all the lovely words spoken about him.
As life will do, my family was dealt another punch.  My mom passed away the day before the tribute.  She had promised me unless she was on her deathbed she'd be there.  Well, you see how that worked out.
Both she and Alex are together wherever they are and I that is a comfort.  Best mom in the world, 58 years running....

Martha Gumm

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Sorting through photos..

Selecting photos for the tribute to Alex.  So many wonderful times we all had together.  This was last Christmas. 2012. Alex was still getting radiation and chemotherapy.  What a guy.  Still able to smile.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Happy Holidays!

 I found this post as a draft when I started blogging again.  Thought I'd post it anyway, it's from 2011

It's been a very strange year for the Buck family. Grandparents~the pillars, are starting to show their age. The economy has begun to personally affect many of us. My company is laying off 400 full time employees, but will wait until February to give us the names. Just a little something to think about over the holidays.
But having said that, I realize how fortunate my family and I really are. Many of my friends lost their parents years ago-I still can enjoy mine. Many of my friends lost satisfying, comfortable jobs years ago-as of now, I still have mine. I can still sit on my couch and blog. I am warm and well fed. Many are not.
Counting my blessings at Christmas and wishing everyone a better 2012!

Alex Buck 1984-2013

This past year has been wonderful and terrible at the same time. About 15 mos ago, we learned that Alex was terminally ill with a rare and aggressive form of cancer. Despite his fighting with everything he had, Wednesday marked the end of his fight.  It was unexpected, quick and painless. Very grateful for that.  The wonder of the last year was getting to spend almost every day with my grown son, getting to know him as an adult and seeing what he was really made of.  Courage, strength, humor, compassion, wit and as I already knew, genius.  When I first heard the news last summer my grief was untenable, but over the last year, learning to make every minute with him count was priceless.  It was quite a roller coaster ride and he handled it with grace and gratefulness (mostly).  I am so proud of him, my son and will miss him terribly. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

New Addition

Well, despite what's going on in my life, the world continues to turn.  Folks getting married and families having babies.  Our newest addition is Logan Fox Green.  Born to Matthew and Marisa Green and brother to Noah Wolf Green.
Logan's a tad bit small, but mother and baby are doing fine.  Noah is tickled pink.